


It's Just A Formality

by Ablissa



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Secret Marriage, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ablissa/pseuds/Ablissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well, I guess we've never really told you, but me and Phil actually got married! For tax reasons."<br/>"It's a formality really!"<br/>"Totally! It makes everything so much easier."<br/>"And we're too antisocial to meet anyone, so it doesn't really matter."<br/>"It's super practical, honestly!"<br/>"We figured we're always going to be best friends, so nothing's changed."<br/>"It's a brilliant idea!"</p><p>Or a story of how Dan forgot about his wedding ring, and had to make up the lamest excuse in the world to get away with it.</p><p>----<br/>Established relationship/marriage Phan. FLUFF. Inspired by <a href="http://pheelsamazinglynotonfire.tumblr.com/post/141617870820/next-up-on-dan-and-phil-so-me-and-phil-figured">this post</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Just A Formality

It's a rainy Tuesday night. Dan has a massive craving for something sweet. Dan is also running late for his weekly show. Dan is a bit of a loser.

He's never on time for his bloody liveshows, is he? Suppose not, but this time, it's completely Phil's fault. Well, _technically_ Phil's fault. Phil delayed things by _a lot_. How, you might ask? Well, it went something like this...

 

-

 

"Phil! Phil? PHIL!" he shouted, too lazy to move from his sofa crease.

"Oh my god Dan, what is it? I'm in the bedroom!"

"Can you come over here?"

"No way."

Dan knows how to pick his battles, so he surrendered this particular request and made the short walk from the lounge to the bedroom in record time, finding Phil laying on the bed with a book.

"I need some Kinder eggs. Just saw a commercial on the telly and they have _Shrek toys,"_ he announced, peeking inside the room.

Phil frowned, waiting for a conclusion that was not meant to arrive.

"...Okay?"

Dan, aside from knowing how to pick his battles, also knows how to pick the right moment to ask things. "Could you pop down to the store and get me some?"

"You've got your own pair of legs, Danny," Phil dismissed.

"Come on! It's _raining_!"

"All the more reason for me to stay in, I s'pose?"

"Phiiiiiiiil! Please! _Shrek themed toys_!"

Phil shot him a look of resignation mixed with amusement and said, "Dan, you're twenty-four..."

Dan, aside from knowing how to pick the right moment for things, also knows how to be exceedingly persuasive. "You know you _want to_ go down to the shop. I'll make it up to you."

"Now that sounds _a lot_ better," Phil replied with interest. "How are you going to make it up to me, then?"

"With my _body_ ," Dan said suggestively, waggling his brows.

At that point, he may have bounced on the bed next to Phil, because there is no better way to convince Phil to do stuff than snogging him senseless. Also, it's really quite pleasant to do.

"Wow. You're so subtle, Dan."

"You love it."

After a short pause, Phil muttered, "...Maybe."

"So go get me some Kinder eggs. Like five or something."

"I don't trust you. I'll go if you pay me in advance," Phil disagreed, clearly taking advantage of Dan's inability to turn him down.

"They'll close down the shop!" Dan argued, looking over Phil's shoulder to check the time. "'sides, I've got my liveshow in twenty minutes!"

"That's plenty of time!"

And then Phil may have pulled him up in his lap, and maybe, just maybe, Dan sort of lost track of time.

 

-

 

So that's pretty much the story of how it went... Yeah... Moving on.

Anyway, it's now ten past nine, and it's still raining but Phil is getting dressed so Dan may still get his Kinder eggs, but Younow is being extremely lame. By the time his face appears on the screen of nearly twenty thousand people from all over the world, he is twenty minutes late.

Dan, aside from all of his other virtues, is very good at maintaining a straight face no matter what sort of madness is going on around him. As such, he doesn't even flinch when he is immediately assaulted with a flurry of _OMG DAN YOU'RE LATE AGAIN DAN DAN DAN WHERE IS PHIL GO GET PHIL DAN HIII PLEASE NOTICE ME CAN YOU SAY HI TO KYLIE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY HI DAN HOW ARE YOU PHAN IS REAL OMG DAN_.

He scans the screen, looking for legit questions to respond to.

"Phantasia95 is asking me how my day's been. Well, Phantasia95, it's been pretty swell, thanks. I just made Phil go down to the shop to get me some chocolate, so I automatically classify this Tuesday as a huge success."

Obviously, he doesn't divulge the means by which his little victory had been achieved.

 

He goes through a few more questions, wondering when Phil will come back, because he really does want his Kinder eggs, and also he kind of hates being alone, so Phil should really hurry up. He contemplates calling Phil during the liveshow, which is something that never fails to make all of his viewers flip the fuck out, but before he gets to do that, a... A _disastrous_ thing happens.

And it's all Phil's fault. It's _completely_ Phil's fault.

 

It starts out innocently enough, really. He notices that his fringe is slightly disheveled, which is no surprise really, considering his previous activities with Phil, but obviously, he goes to correct it immediately, performing his usual fringe check. He doesn't even look at the screen for a few seconds, focused on getting it just right, but once he casts another look at the laptop, all he sees is people _completely_ _losing their shit_.

Poker face gone right out of the window, he can't help but frown as he reads some of the messages.

 

_JADKASGDUSJDHASJDGHSAJFGSAJGD WHAT DANDSGDH SSHQWHAT??//_

Is this person having an attack of some sort? Should he perhaps call an ambulance? But _where_?

 

_omg i knew that phan was real jfc_

How on earth did he manage to make this person believe that?

 

_AAAAAAAAAA DANNNNNNNNN AAAAAAA DO IT AGAIN_

Do _what_ again?

 

Nothing makes sense, nothing at all, until in the flurry of frantic messages he finally spots one that explains everything.

 

_WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR HAND????_

 

On his hand? What the--

He looks down, still oblivious as to what exactly just happened, but the mystery solves itself the very moment his eyes flit towards the ring finger of his left hand.

 _Shit_. Shit, shit, shit.

Thanks to Phil's rather effective attempts at distraction, Dan had neglected to remove the bloody _ring_. See, it's really _all_ Phil's fault.

 

The ring itself is a very unassuming piece of jewelry, to be honest. It's an elegant silver band, void of any decorative additions aside from the engraving on the inside of it. He and Phil decided to keep it simple, figuring that it would be nice to have it pass off as something else if they ever mess up and forget to remove it in a social setting.

But this isn't a social setting, it's his _liveshow_ , and he's got over nineteen thousand people watching right now, each and every one of them simultaneously freaking out.

For a moment there, he loses _all_ of his cool. Literally every last bit of it.

Everyone's asking about the ring - _what a surprise_ \- and he has no idea what to say. He can't just ignore it and pretend it's not there, they didn't all have a mass hallucination, that's too much of a stretch, even for Dan. It works well enough with the Haru pillow, but it won't work with _this_.

He's speechless for all of twenty seconds, which is about fifteen seconds too long, before he hears the sound of Phil letting himself in, slowly drudging up the ten thousand stairs they've got in their flat, certainly quite oblivious to Dan's current predicament.

Coming to the conclusion that a terrible excuse is better than none, he chooses to ignore the endless wave of spam in the chat and exclaims, "Oh, Phil's back from the shop! Be right back guys!"

He bolts out of his (rarely used) bedroom, tripping over his own feet as he rushes to the kitchen, where Phil is currently unpacking the groceries. When Dan appears in the doorframe, Phil smiles at him earnestly, then pokes fun at him, the evil git.

"You've actually _ran_ to get your sweets? Go on then, have some. I also bought frozen pizza. Too lazy to cook now," Phil says, putting things away without a thought.

Dan ignores his well-desired Kinder eggs (he's asked for five, but Phil got him _seven_ \- he always does that, and in all honesty, it's very sweet) in favor of placing both his hands on Phil's shoulders, forcing the man to look him in the eye.

Phil gives him a once over, his grin transforming into a confused frown as he immediately begins to interrogate Dan about to the reason of his strange behavior.

"Dan? What's wrong? Did something happen?" he asks, concerned.

"Look at this!" Dan shouts, frantic, scared of both the outcome of his failure and of Phil's reaction, too. He lets go of Phil and lifts his arm, flashing the ring that still remains on his finger.

Phil smiles fondly the moment he sees what Dan is trying to show him.

"Yeah? There's mine too," he utters proudly, doing the same thing as Dan.

And _okay_ , perhaps Dan _does_ feel a tad proud every single time he sees Phil wearing his wedding ring. Perhaps he _does_ like to show his off, too, among close friends and family. But this is a _code red alert_ and Phil needs to get onboard with the schedule, and he'd better do it _fast_.

"You don't get it. I forgot to take it off. They _saw it!_ "

Phil's arm immediately drops back to his side, and even though the guy is always fifty different shades of _extremely pale_ , Dan swears he turns even whiter, resembling a snow white bed sheet.

"But - did they notice?" Phil sputters.

"Of course they bloody noticed," Dan replies in a _well duh_ kind of voice. "They're all flipping out and I told them I'd be right back," he adds.

After six years of friendship slash secret relationship, they're both rather good at reading one another. As such, Dan anticipates what Phil is about to say before the man even opens his mouth.

"Can't we just tell them?" his partner asks, a hint of hope hidden in the low, uncertain whisper.

And Dan is not too big a man to admit that Phil's question _does_ pull at all the right strings. It's been such a bother, keeping it secret for so long, when all he's ever wanted to do is tell the world how bloody lucky he is to have gotten together with the guy he's had an Internet crush on since way back in like 2008.

He's not entirely opposed to the idea. But not like this, not today, not _now_.

"No, no, not like this," he protests. Phil's eyes widen, because this alone is the most hope he's ever offered his husband on the matter - it's not a flat out _no_ , it's a _not now_.

"But sometime?" Phil inquires, ignoring the pressing matter at hand.

"Sometime," Dan agrees, finally mustering up a smile. "But what the hell are we going to tell them _now_?"

Phil pulls a thoughtful (albeit somewhat terrified) face, as does Dan, but nothing good comes of it. And time is running out. The longer he's away, the more his viewers will suspect - Dan could swear that some of them must be working for the FBI, considering their supreme skills of deduction.

"Let's just make something up," Dan suggests at long last. "Tell them anything, we'll figure it out later."

"Like what?" Phil shoots back incredulously.

Dan lets out a long-suffering sigh. He's got no idea whatsoever, honestly. What is there to say? _It's just this random ring, it's a family heirloom, it's a gift from a fan_...

No, wait. Hold the hell up. He's got it! A good idea to divert them for a while! Well, truth be told, it's a terrible idea and no one's going to believe it, but at least it's a half-truth, and those are always the most successful lies, right?

Right?

"I've got a plan. Just come with me and roll with it."

 

-

"Hey you lot, I'm back! Look whom I've brought," he exclaims cheerfully, dragging a rather confused Phil into the viewfinder.

Phil simply stares at the screen, losing his composure much the way Dan did just minutes ago, so Dan kicks him in the ankle. His husband winces, but eventually, smiles and waves at the camera.

The chat is just the same as it was before he ran away; no, actually, it's _worse_. There are even more people and they're all spamming their fingers off, and ninety-five percent of their questions are related to what is on _Dan's_ finger.

He takes a deep breath. He can't mess this up. He's got to maintain a straight face.

He almost laughs at the irony of it.

"What d'you mean what's on my hand?" he says, acting surprised. As if on cue, Phil looks down, staring at his left hand. "Oh, you mean this?"

And then, Dan lifts his hand up to the camera for the entire flipping world to take a good look at his wedding ring. His heart is somewhere up in his throat and he's feeling a little nauseous. If not for the fact that he loves his laptop very much, he'd likely get sick all over the keyboard. And that would be _extremely_ attractive.

The chat is freaking out as he puts down his arm. Somewhere out of view of the camera, he grabs Phil's hand and squeezes it. He can't afford to look at him right now, but Phil keeps him grounded.

Phil returns the gesture, rubbing his thumb over the back of Dan's palm, and he feels a little bit better. At least he's not alone in this, and Phil is blindly trusting him not to mess up too badly. That's gotta mean something.

"Well, I guess we've never really told you, but me and Phil actually got married! For tax reasons."

Dan pauses to swallow down the nerves that clog his throat, keeping him from both breathing and speaking.

The chat is now moving too fast for him to read. All he sees is a lot of caps lock and a lot of random, frantic letters.

He hears Phil let out a small gasp, too quiet for the microphone to pick up. He continues.

"I mean, we figured out it'd be a hell of a lot easier to do our taxes then, you know," he adds lamely, not knowing what else to say.

Another pause that stretches only a few seconds too long before Phil comes to his rescue.

"It's a formality really!" Phil pitches in at last, and Dan loves him a little bit more for it.

"Totally! It makes everything so much easier," he agrees with a little more certainty in his voice.

"And we're too antisocial to meet anyone, so it doesn't really matter."

Bless Phil for finding an argument in favor of this that is not just _taxes are easier now guys_!

Bleeping hell Dan, get a _fucking_ grip.

He sounds like an underpaid actor coming straight out of an infomercial when he adds, "It's super practical, honestly!"

"We figured we're always going to be best friends, so nothing's changed," Phil continues while Dan sits there, dumbfounded, struggling to read even one of the messages that appear in the chat.

"Yeah, exactly. So that's why I've got this ring. Phil's got one too, look." At this, he lets go of Phil's hand and grabs his wrist instead, raising it up to the camera so that everyone can see the matching ring.

In retrospective, probably not a _brilliant_ idea, but this whole thing was a trainwreck anyway, so what the hell.

He still can't keep up with the chat, but aside from random strings of _JDASGFDSGFJGSHDSFGSEJKFRLJGOLSEJ_ , the general theme seems to be that he's a liar and a failure.

"Right." He clears his throat. "Anyway, the new Kanye song! _Amazing,_ right?"

He finally allows himself a short glance at Phil. The man is staring right back at him.

Phil squeezes his hand a little harder, and Dan feels a little better.

Ten minutes later, he runs out of things to ramble about and ends the liveshow, having ignored every single question about the bloody ring.

 

-

 

A couple of hours later, hours during which Dan has avoided all of his social media, his phone and just in case, television, they're both laying in bed in their (Phil's) bedroom. Dan is staring at the ceiling, wanting to sleep but knowing that he won't, not anytime soon.

Phil turns on his side to look at him properly. Dan does the same, if only to find comfort in having Phil in his life, even on days like today, when he knows he messed up.

"That excuse was _terrible_ ," Phil says softly, a small smile playing on his lips. Dan can't help but return it, looking at his husband fondly.

"It was. My alternative was that I got married to Jennifer Lawrence, but I don't think they'd buy that."

Phil laughs, tongue poking out the corner of his lips as he does so. Dan leans in, closing the distance between them, keeping his eyes open until the very last second, until the very moment their lips meet.

It's a soft, tender, familiar caress. They've been together for six years, they know one another so well. Even on days like today, once it's all said and done, Dan can't help but feel grateful. It's worth the drama and the stupid lies that Dan insists they keep on telling, because every night, he gets to go sleep next to Phil, and that makes it worth the trouble.

"Are we ever going to tell them?" Phil asks once they part, looking Dan in the eyes. The question is filled with hidden hope. "Tell them _properly_ , I mean."

Dan mulls it over for a moment. They've avoided it for so long, more or less successfully.

There are upsides and then there are downsides. In the end though, he can't imagine keeping it secret for much longer. After all, they're buying a house soon, and then they'll eventually want to expand their family one way or another. Can't weasel his way out of that, can he? What could he possibly say to that? _"Oh yeah we got this kid together so that we can get benefits and discounts and stuff, it's just a cool idea"_?

"We should. Not today, but... I want to. I think I'm _ready_ ," he says at last, voice thick with emotion.

And then Phil is smiling, the full-on Phil smile that Dan adores so much, and he's smiling too, because fuck it, who cares what people say, he is happy, _they_ are happy, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

They'll face it together as they have many times before.

 

He runs his fingers over his wedding ring, a habit he's slowly growing into, and silently decides never to take it off again.

Because really, telling the world is exactly what Phil said earlier that day.

It's just a formality.

 

~

 

_the end_


End file.
